Nothing is going right,
& I'm scared.
I need some comforting words.
Real ones. Not the kind that people say all the time, "It's okay. You'll be alright."
Because it's not okay, & I won't be alright.
I've been so angry,
& filled with animosity lately.
I'm feeling unnecessary hate for the wrong people.
Even my friends.
My close friends.
& my family..
Earlier, I slammed the door to indicate my anger towards my dad.
I mean..wow, disrespectful, much?
I don't know. But he pissed me off, though. It was uncalled for, too.
I asked him a favor; if he can fix my sunglasses & he glared at me. What the fuck for? I had no fucking clue, so I turned away. I wanted to cry. He looked so mean & my dad hardly ever looks mean let alone having the glare directed right at me. I don't know, maybe he was tired? Maybe I did something that disappointed him but I can't think of anything that I did.
& then ten minutes later, my mom barges into our room & fucking says all this shit, "Did you just slam the door on your father? You're an ungrateful child. You don't appreciate what he does for you. What are we to you? Nothing? I guess we are." then she slams the door.
Wow, okay..nice, hah. Very nice.
She can be so fucking poisonous, & she doesn't even know it. Wow, I'm ungrateful rofl , that's really fucking funny because last time I checked I treasure everything they give me.
Sometimes, she makes me feel like such a failure, like such a bad daughter.
I go home when she wants me to, I call her every time I'm out (most of the time I'm out with MY COUSINS, for fucks sakes), I let her know about every fucking thing I do just because I do NOT want her to worry. I don't. Why? Because I love her, & her feelings matter to me.
But you know..sometimes, you can just take so much shit.
Even from family.
Sad, huh?
Fuck this shit.
I'm sleeping.
PS.
I love my brother.
He always saves the day for me.
- nut up or shut up.
- Nineteen | Aspiring Writer Meant For General Fiction | Laments In A British Accent | Home-made Asian Food Fetishist | Avid Texter | Tortured Soul
1 comment:
Maybe your dad was stressed or having a bad day,yeah?I'm sure he didn't mean to do that to you.And your mom..she probably worries about you all the time no matter what,because you're like the baby of the family [you're the youngest aren't you?] so maybe that's why she's like that and mean sometimes.And when it comes to making you feel like a failure,I think many parents are like that when they have such high expectations,but like I said in the end she'll realize you're gonna be a director or write or whatever you wanna be and be proud of you.She's just strict or something right?Also..even if she makes you feel like a failure,think of it as motivation.Like sorta..like to motivate you to do much better.Even though it's easier said then done but yeah..just try to think those ways I think,it would help..
And about being disrespectful,it's not like you meant to do it like that you know,you were mad.Maybe that doesn't necessarily justify it but don't try to beat yourself over it much.It happens.
Andd..about the hate thing.I think it's how is when you or anyone that's sad that's in your situation right?You can't help it.Like you said last time,you need time for yourself and a break from everyone to get yourself together.May not be now but it'll happen.It's just a process of getting better.
Sorry if I didn't make sense or something but yeah..I love you.
<3
Post a Comment