Got Philophobia?

It's funny because this piece of bullshit called "love" never actually exists. It's just that belief you make yourself grasp. I guess it's all about faith.
But once someone fucks up, it's all downhill from there.
No one really gives that much of a fuck about you to "die for you" or whatever it is that cliches drill in our heads. Just think about it.
So it's up to you to take care of yourself.
It doesn't matter what you've been put through, which mistakes you made, what you learned,
you're going to be by yourself anyway.

I'm scared now.
Scared of feeling this shitty-ass pain; the pain where you feel like dying every day.
Scared that it becomes a cycle because I am still young.

It's also funny because you expect so much,
you think so highly of him,
& then he lets you down even greater because you let him down.
It's selfish, I know. It's very selfish of me.
& I guess it's what I get for thinking the "love" depicted in movies is real.


I am such a hypocritical bitch.