Let go, let go. I know I gotta let go.

But..

Sometimes love needs to confirmed.
Sometimes.. love needs to experience conflict for some confirmation. Even when the painful results are too much to bear.
I have this hopeful belief that one day; I don't care when, it could be not anytime soon; but I believe that one day I will make you & me happen again. One day.
I do believe in fate.
I've never been this straight-forward, & this is as straight-forward as I can get.
I know that I can only ask for so much second chances but it never hurts to try. Ironically enough, though, it's the worst pain to feel. The process of it, & the rejection of it or the acceptance.
Agonizing sadness.
Overwhelming happiness.
& yet the heart is still pumping as strong as ever.
Because frankly, that's all we have. That happiness in your heart, & that sadness of loss. Those have to be felt so we could know that we do exist & that there's more to this life than bad days, & just "trying to get by". & that there's something out there that still needs to be grasped, whether you've found it, lost it & trying to get it back or you still have yet to obtain it.
I know what I write never makes sense but I know this; I am on a fucking scavenger hunt & the treasure seems so unattainable but just that sense of hope keeps me from giving up.


I know I've said some bitter, resentful shit in my last entry but that's all there was to it, bitterness & resentment. I didn't mean it, not even half of it. I am a hopeless romantic. I really am. I'm very good at making people think otherwise but nothing makes me happier than those sappy movies about love, & corny-ass love lyrics. It makes my heart hurt. I'm just telling it like it is.
I have so much love to give.
A friend, she once told me I'd make a wonderful girlfriend because I'm constantly hugging, squeezing, & grabbing for an arm to hold onto.


Do you think about me?
Do you dream about me?
Does your heart hurt when you see something that depicts me in some way?
When did you stop loving me?

I have so many questions but I don't have the audacity to ask you.


"In my heart, I know I must be right,
Darkest shadows will someday come to light.
I've been down, but I can rise above.
I keep searching for the other side of love."