What do you think about? What are you thinking about? Do you think about what makes you happy the most? What hurts you the most?
Are you a masochist? If you think about what makes you happy the most, you're only making shit hard for yourself because that happiness won't last forever.
& if you think about what hurts you the most, the pain will only grow more potent which will eventually sink into your bones until you can't feel anymore.
& now you are numb.
Numb like you're pissed drunk. But you're sober.
What will you do now? Cry? You can't. You've decided crying is a perpetual waste of energy so you don't want to cry. You can't anyway. You're numb remember?
You say to yourself that this is a coming of age thing. The usual tale of a fucked-up, eccentric, situational depressed kid who meets a carefree, ambitious, soul-searching, kindred spirit who, maybe in return for a deed you did for them, will save you from your bitch ass self.
But you are not in a movie.
This is real life, mate.
What are you going to do?
You are going to keep thinking. You are going to keep trying to save yourself. You are going to try and save the world for yourself & for the people you love.
Do you love anyone? Who do you love? Do they love you back? What do they do that confirms your claim that they love you back? This & that?
In the end, maybe, you will only have yourself. Maybe not.
You always wish that everything will be alright.
You always wish that you can compensate for all the mistakes you've committed.
But the only thing you can wish for now is

What is it?
Strength?

Would you mind not having a meltdown? This is an interview.