I would like to draw a big round fruit & then put a little face in the middle of it.


I have this recurring dream
that I am singing Final Distance by Utada Hikaru.
I am playing the piano, & I have this friend playing the violin next to me. I don't know her. But in my dream, she is my friend.
And in the audience, it always zeroes in on someone. Someone that taught me what heartbreak was & showed me how it felt. I was fifteen. In my dream, I looked/seemed/felt fifteen. But he is older in my dream. In real life, I am older than him. It zeroes in on him. He is watching me with sad eyes, as I sing & play the piano.
I sing the second verse,

You, who gets hurt with a single word
taught me what loneliness is.
Even if you can't protect me,
keep on trying.

He looks away but the purpose is defeated. His tears glistened. And I don't know why. But I did.
The verse. Those words depicted what we used to have. What he couldn't, or I couldn't do.
What he could've done, or what I could have.. done.

I used to have this recurring dream.
Where I carry a violin in a case.
And I am walking around.
Just walking around. I end up in a concert hall.
And I
see
the same person, he is with a girl.
And she hugs him.
My breathing stops, then my heart would start hurting. Hurt so much I drop the violin case to the floor then it breaks open and a red violin appears.
He would hear the ruckus and look my way.
His eyes would widen, & mine are pained with betrayal.
I run away.
I wake up, my eyes are wet.
Used to. Used to.

Not anymore.
I don't have those dreams anymore.
But I don't know why I never wrote about it.
But I wanted to write about it.
So I wrote about it.

Goodbye