You make breaking hearts look so easy,
seems like you've done this before

For days, I've laid awake with my laptop propped against my legs & my head is against my pillow.
I can't sleep.
I try.
I lie awake for hours,
trying, trying to sleep
I close my eyes, & I don't open them.
But I am completely awake & I know it.

I open up my "Aesa" file, stare at it for ages, & end up only editing a small portion of it without even adding new stuff to it.

I keep forgetting what I've said & done after a nano second or a day if I'm lucky.
And I feel like my level of intelligence reduced itself to nothingness. I'm dead in the brain most of my days which is why I haven't been writing anything.

Right now, a lot has been ailing me & I can't explain myself to save my life. It's overwhelming to a point that I'm speechless & I don't even want to talk to anyone anymore & that's so fucking unhealthy.
I need a break from people
I want to be seen
I want
fuck
I don't know what I want.

Selfishly, I want to see if I will be missed or something or other.
Why am I talking out of my ass
Fuck,

tonight I was letdown several times by people important to me.
I was called stupid by one of my best friends & he's acting like it didn't faze me. Or maybe that was my fault because I did not tell him straight up that it bothered me.
But claim
claim claim "Hey I know you too well"
No
Stop, no one does.
No one knows me "too well".
I don't even know myself that well.
Some days I'm lucky enough to be completely normal & happy & contented. That's when I say, "Ah, simplicity"
Complications always come my way though.

I HAVE A FUCKING HEADACHE.
I can't think straight.


INSPIRATION

what I need.